I like coffee – I’ll happily drink the amazing European stuff, crummy vending machine swill, and anything from one of the numerous chains that operate here in the Twin Cities. I’m always game for a cup on the go, or sitting down for a few cups with a friend or, more often, a laptop, so I’m constantly making note of where the closest shop is, whether it’s locally-owned or one of the chains.

That’s why the more I pass by this billboard for Caribou Coffee, the more it perplexes me. The Minnesota-based company has this billboard on the northbound side of Cedar Avenue (Highway 77), right by Minneapolis/St. Paul International Airport.

The billboard is simple – just a to-go cup of the coffee, with the tagline: “Our coffee speaks for itself. But you already knew that.”

One of my college TAs had some tough words for the writings of Ralph Waldo Emerson, saying that his work amounted to literary bumper stickers – they sound nice, but the more you think about them, the less sense they make.

Every time I’ve passed by this billboard, I’ve thought about what those sentences actually mean. “Our coffee speaks for itself. But you already knew that.” Caribou wants me to remember that their coffee is good (it is). So good that they don’t need to advertise (possibly). And they’re telling me this in an advertisement (what?).

People outside the world of advertising rarely think about an ad’s “call to action” – basically, what does an advertisement want its viewers to do? If you watch the evening news, every commercial break you’ll be asked to take a new car for a test drive, ask your doctor about a prescription drug, or try a different type of laundry detergent – because whatever is being advertised has better performance, will address a medical need you have, or leave your whites whiter and fresher.

This billboard, though, assumes I know something about the product and tells me that I already knew what I already knew. There’s nothing to act on, which in itself isn’t awful – ads can be engaging without a strong (or, at least, obvious) call to action.

“Our coffee speaks for itself. But you already knew that.” The sin of this tag line is that it could be just as easily used for a car, or a sandwich shop, or eye drops, or home insurance, or diapers. It’s forgettably generic, and given the location of this billboard, it’s a crime.

This ad is placed a) right by the airport, where there is a massive Caribou Coffee right past security, and b) within two miles of two different Caribou locations.

There’s so many missed opportunities. Better tag lines, just off the top of my head:

“Caribou Coffee – next exit, to the left, or straight ahead, on the right.”

“Caribou Coffee – straight ahead, a mile and a half. Or the next exit if you can’t wait.”

“Caribou Coffee – the best part of your flight is waiting for you, just past security.”

“Caribou Coffee – fuel up while your plane fuels up.”

“Caribou Coffee – take off before you take off.” [I’d add an outline of a plane]

Almost anything would be better than what’s up there now – even the glib pitch for Martinson coffee from a season two episode of Mad Men – “Caribou Coffee – it’s delicious, brown, and hot.” At least that’s specific to coffee.